Place of Stuff

From this day on, you shall know me as El Presidente.

Almost makes you think “hmm, topical”, doesn’t it?

Among the most elusive of all interview subjects, big game hunters must rank in the top 5.  Once, this was a popular past time for the rich, with the ever thinning population of most animals it has now become something of a rarity.  Many former hunters have become wardens, to ensure that enough of the pairs breed sufficiently to not die out.  Who knows, maybe future generations again will be able to hunt these creatures again for sport.

Through painstaking research and meetings in darkened rooms, in lonely huts and, once, in a 1970’s roller disco themed restaurant I had managed to make contact with one of the few remaining big game hunters.  Hunting is now limited to preserves that have a quota: these quotas are carefully balanced to provide funds for the preserve, a regular and controlled thinning of the herds and, of course, sport for the hunter.  Less scrupulous people, however, will take their sport where they can find it. Continue reading ‘Hunting for Answers’ »

It wasn’t until the third day of the attack that we realised we were even under attack. For the first two days we all saw the Perseid meteor shower through our telescopes and marveled at the beauty of the light show. And then they landed. They were huge, tentacled creatures with mandibles: razor sharp and fearsome. We fled our homes and our roots, becoming nomads in our bid to survive. Revelations did not prepare us for this.
Continue reading ‘And On The Third Day’ »

I have a Twitter address.  But I really disliked having to either open a new tab to view comments and replies or having to keep returning to the site to see what’s going on.  And I won’t be going into the various merits or demerits of Twitter as a site or function.  There are plenty of sites that are happy to do that for me.  So, being the kind of guy I am, I went hunting for a Twitter client so I didn’t have to use the browser.

There are a number of clients out there, so there’s no shortage whatsoever.  Unfortunately, most are written for Mac or for Windows and I run Linux.  So using my brain I went hunting on the web for a client that I could run.  I was running Spaz, but it became unhappy when I upgraded my distro and started running KDE4 – it just sits in the system tray and won’t actually do anything useful.  More on that later.

So, after the jump, I’ll run down the ones I tested and the one I’m on now.  Incidentally, some of my results are skewed by the fact that I believe KDE to be messing me around – some apps run once and then never again.  I am well aware that this is not the fault of the app itself, so I will not refer to the running (or otherwise) nature of the app.  Also, big thanks to the nice people at Adobe.  Many of the apps tested run on Adobe AIR (get it here).  If you remember Klik, Adobe Air is kinda like that but easier to use.  The BBC iPlayer Desktop app runs through AIR which allows it to be cross-platform.  Jump coming up now…

Continue reading ‘Various Twitter Clients’ »

• I am not smarter than a 10 year old.  On the other hand, I can quite easily beat one in a fight and I can get served in pubs.  So who wins now, eh?
• Google may be far more evil than Microsoft and Apple put together.  But they have convinced us otherwise.  Which doubles their evil.
• Our politicians do, indeed, think we are stupid.  Unfortunately we prove them right every election day.
• My tolerance for noise seems to decrease every year.  By the time I am 60 I won’t be happy unless I am living in one of those sensory deprivation things.
• In just under 5 weeks I am getting married.  And then am having 4 weeks off work to recove.. I mean enjoy my honeymoon.
  • The spammers are going to love the fact that I am off – comments may get disabled for that period….
• I have so many ideas for great novels.  if only I had the time, skill, knowledge and patience to do something about it.
• Britain needs more public holidays.  Or at least, better spaced out holidays.
• Every year is the year of the apocalypse.  Why can’t they get it right?  Who do I complain to and can I get a refund?
• I have too many scruples.  This means I can’t get rich by fleecing the public.  I need a scruplectomy.
• The traditional British spring weather is rainy.  Unfortunately, so is the traditional British summer, autumn and winter weather.

I hope these thoughts give you as much pleasure as they do me.

Yes.  It’s that time of year again – for the nth consecutive time in a row you have achieved your goal of getting to the end of the year without sitting in a clock tower muttering to yourself as you reload your rifle.  But don’t relax just yet!  Staying on your guard during the twelfth month could mean the difference between gritting your teeth and sticking with your soulless existence and being taken out by a police marksman as you flee the scene.

So how do you cope with December?  Well, faking your own death is harder nowadays what with DNA testing and the internet so thats not always an option.  The days of a clean fake death are over and you will need to sacrifice another human being to make sure you leave a body.  Pro-tip: pick a part of society where there are both lots of them and they won’t be missed: Members of Parliament are plentiful but not always available, so scout out your nearest reality TV studio for ideas.

After the jump, I will be providing you with a list of dos and don’ts which will enable you to get all the way to the end with only minimal mental anguish:

Do: avoid the shops like the plague.  Not only will they pump continual Christmas songs at you, they will try to part you from your money in the most painful way possible.

Don’t: go shopping alone.  If you ignore the first tip, make sure you go as a team. Not only will you be able to fight back in the stores, the resultant pub crawl will last that bit longer.

Do: wear warm clothing.  Remember, if you are from the South your blood is thin and watery and you will feel very poorly.  Only the Northerner has built up the necessary resistance to be able to venture outside.  Call in sick and avoid the cold.

Don’t: watch TV at all during this month.  While those shiny goods with flashing lights will look tempting, the shops are only selling them because they don’t want them.  And neither does anyone else.  They only want the space on the shelves to sell Easter Eggs next year.  And your money.  Don’t be fooled.

Do: stock up on tinned food and other non-perishables, like alcohol.  The Apocalypse is predicted, don’t be the only one not ready.  On the same note, don’t forget your extra rounds and landmines – the ravening hordes will be after your food and blood, keep them both safe.

Don’t: be a member of the wrong religion should the Apocalypse occur.  I have no idea which religion is right, but will you look daft if you’re not a member.

Do: remember that while lakes of blood look good to drink when all the water has turned to sand, it may not be.  Boil the blood before drinking it to ensure it’s cleanliness.

Don’t: approach any animals unless you are sure they are dead.  Attacking one of the four horsemen’s modes of transport will be both embarrassing and painful.  It will also make you very dead.

Do: avoid any pits of lave or passages to Hell that open up in front of you.  Both will result in very nasty burns.

Don’t: ignore any prophecies coming from the seemingly insane.  This could mean the difference between a set of wings and a white robe and eternal damnation.

Above all, have fun, stay safe and don’t get between me and the Rapture!